What Happens When You Write A Sex Scene In A Cafe

I keep adding a new chapter onto the front of my memoir, My Beautiful Psychosis.  I didn’t know where to start the story so I decided to dive right in at the deep end with the best description of insomnia I could create.  Then I realised it needed a bit of background on the character before she begins to struggle so I started the book with a chapter about working at the BBC Natural History Unit.  But I came across as quite arrogant and maybe not that likeable as a main character so now it starts with a sex scene…

“The way he scoops out the avocado with his hands is so erotic I don’t know what to do with myself.  It’s making me feel self-conscious.  It’s so obvious where this is going and I don’t really know why I can’t let myself just go with it.  I’m frozen with excruciating self-awareness.  An invisible straitjacket shackles me.  Does he realise how sexual it is or is he just innocently enjoying the sensuousness of the olive green flesh?  I admire how he just gets right in and makes a big mess.  I would have used some kind of utensil, efficient and clean but not nearly as pleasurable.  Pleasure, that’s it.  He’s immersed in the pleasure of how the fruit feels in his hands.

“‘It’s so ripe,’ he smiles at me raising his eyebrows.  He licks the creamy flesh off his fingers.  Not knowing where to put myself, I sit down at the table and decide to play it cool.  It’s just an avocado.  But I know it’s all part of the elaborate foreplay and I could show how much I liked it if I wasn’t so afraid.”

I wrote part of this in a cafe and it attracted the attentions of a certain polyamorous man (who’s currently in a monogamous relationship).  He didn’t  know what I was writing about but it must have been wafting through the air because he invited me for a walk, talked about sex and offered me a massage.  Not something that happens when I’m just catching up on my emails…

Next time I’ll share the alternative opening paragraphs and see which one you think I should start the book with.

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